I remember hearing testimonies of how God has blessed people with great material gifts including money and I really felt that was great for them but not something that would happen to me. I suppose you could put it down to unbelief but I think I really felt that God would not do that for me as I was just not that special - that gift was for 'special' or 'worthy' christians. That belief was unfortunely, an insecurity in my own heart, a lie I had believed that became part of my identity and has held me back from recieving Gods full love for me. However, God had a plan to reveal to myself that I am loved by him completly. It was not a quick one lesson process, as the lie was so deeply embedded into my identity, but something that has been revealed to me over a much longer period.
I became a christian when we started a family and money was tight. There was a celebration held each year where christians from our denomination would gather to worship, grow and be church. It was a camping event and the tickets were expensive. We did not go camping as a family and had no tent or equipment. I felt sad that we would miss out, a long weekend with friends, great worship, teaching and kids work sounded great but it was just out of our budget. I prayed about it, that God would bless us or (what I actually thought my happen) I needed to accept that we couldn't go and to be happy for my friends that could.
Amazingly, that week an envelope came through our door with enough money to purchase the tickets and to buy camping equipment. No strings attached, a complete gift. I couldn't believe it - Thank You and Praise be to God! It was a little tempting to use the money on things we needed but I prayed for a way and God provided the way. We went to the camp - we had fun and made memories. We were blessed. This was not a one off, God is good and gives good gifts...